ATINSIUS VOX STEPADUM BOX BUBBLESUM SELTZERUM PANTALOOZIUM
Translated for you barbarians: A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down my pants
THE GREAT HODAGINIAN SPEAKS:
DEMS DA RULES
First violent felony, a man gets his balls cut off.
First abortion, the woman is sterilized.
Theft - starting with your little finger, one segment in the paper cutter will be trimmed with each offence.
Kill. You will be killed. Maim. You will be maimed.
No usury, no lending. When you are born you are endowed a million dollars on your 18th birthday. When you die, the bank account is zero. When the bank account is zero, before death, you become a debt slave, answerable to anyone and their commands. You will live a life of cleaning toilets til death, if lucky.
Do all the drugs you want at any time in any quantity. The results are yours and yours alone.
If the word is 'public', it means 'free'. 'Private' means out-of-sight. It is yours. You represent yourself wherever you go.
"Everything is relative. There is no objective truth." You will be tolerated, but scorned. Compassionate help and condescending looks will always be available.
If someone even sees you with a gun, you can be shot dead with no repercussions for the shooter.
All schools, libraries and museums will be available at all times, but not required to be used. People are allowed to be as stupid as they desire, as today.
Trucking, warehousing and distribution will be done from sundown to sunrise.
Walking outdoors is encouraged.
We shall be recognized by the call and response
- c)8675 r)309 e ein
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praying, praying, praying... send money, money, money
These rules, concepts, ideals and commands may change at my whim. I am the King, THE GREAT HODAGINIAN, after all.
For now, let them be chiseled in stone in an undecipherable glyphic runic language and stored in a cave, let's say, in the Incas. I always wanted to go there.
MARTINISM
MODERN MARTINISM shall be the moral and spiritual guidance reference for all my gruntled subjects. Disgruntlement will not be allowed under my Sun and Moon. Find the solution and fix the problem yourself, I say. These tenets may change at any time, shall I remind you? I am the King, THE GREAT HODAGINIAN, after all.
House Rules*
In your personal life, HOUSE RULES, is the go-to. Hasn't changed in a couple thousand days. Good foundation.
THE GREAT HODAGINIAN endorses Cockwomble Societies, Men Only political parties and any health care non-AMA related. Apathy is his passion. Own guns, as many as you like, THE GREAT HODAGINIAN will not shed a tear over your untimely shooting death.
I'm Baaaack II
Cockwomble No.2? II
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I was formally blessed with all powers of Zeus when he placed his hands on my head while on his deathbed and Z said the magic words. I have those powers, but I prefer not to use them. Don't push me.
Also, I received the blessing from Mr. Bill Monroe, the Father of Bluegrass, after Ricky Skaggs and before the Master went to his heavenly reward. So, I got that going for me, too.
Do not be afraid. THE GREAT HODAGINIAN is your King.
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Send more money... I will pray even more intently on your behalf
first published September 13, 1956
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