Wednesday, August 30, 2023

TGF and Simp, her dog


The Adventures of 

Tough-Guy Feminist and Simp, her dog

Tough-Guy Feminist (TGF) is in charge of her own life. All around her succumb to her pervasive energies, like the humors of disturbed earth. Life is good to her, she just needs a weekly cry.

Simp, her dog, like all dogs, understands English but would rather not talk. His words are only thoughts.

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TGF: C'mon, Simp, let's get going

Simp: Anything you say. I just want to smell that pussy.

TGF: You know where we are going. Get my shoes. We are going jogging.

Simp: That's fun for a while. OK. You really smell good doing that.

TGF: Have you been in my dirty laundry? What have you been doing? Smelling my undies?

Simp: Well, yeah.

TGF: Simp, you are an animal. But you do protect me and I love you for that. I'm kind of glad a male takes any interest in me, actually.

Simp: Are you leading me on? Because I'm ready! What do you need?

TGF: Maybe, later. That might be a treat.

Simp: I hate the leash. She's always barking at me, " Stay outta the street. Ignore the bitch in this neighborhood" Like I'm some dumb ass that don't know how to cross the street. Her jealousy is too much sometimes.

TGF: Would you tie my shoes. I'm busy making a smoothie.

Simp: Yeah, sure. C'mon let's get going. I gotta pee.

TGF: After the run we are going for a ride to see Soft-Gyrl Feminist (SGF).

Simp: ... not that long car ride with NPR. SGF is a clingy head case. She hates me. Doesn't even offer me water.

TGF: SGF split up with her partner. She's distressed. She doesn't want to change her status on Facebook. We have to talk.

Simp: I'll come along. I promise to be a pain in the ass on the way home.

TGF: You know, SGF likes girls, too, but this last guy was a real jerk.

Simp: I'd like to smell her pussy. She wouldn't let me near it.

TGF: She fell in love with a man and is now suffering. Her last lesbian lover used to hit her during sex. It's become very uncomfortable for her. This guy seemed nice when I met him at PJ's party. I can't imagine why he left so suddenly.

Simp: Is there bad pussy? He's a fool.

TGF: SGF has few means, close to destitute. I may have to offer her a roof and have her move in...

Simp: I'll be living with two pussies?!

TGF: ... but it may get crowded in our studio apt. I may have to pawn you off onto someone or let you loose. If you need a ride to the euthanasia center, I'll do that and take care of the bill.

Simp: What? What do you mean?

TGF: She doesn't like you so much, and frankly, you smell.

Simp:... cutting me loose? Where do I go? Eat at the dump? With the racoons?

TGF: Let's see how it goes.

Part 1

Stay tuned to see if Simp survives SGF's emotional crisis.

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Monday, August 28, 2023

The Good Smirk II


published August 28, 2020
The Good Smirk
Today, most of the good people are afraid to be good. They strive to be broadminded and tolerant! It is fashionable to be tolerant — but mostly tolerant of evil — and this new code has reached the proportions of demanding intolerance of good.” -Edith Starr Miller



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Saturday, August 26, 2023

FIVE MILE BLUES II



first published SUNDAY, AUGUST 26, 2018

FIVE MILE BLUES

I GO BY THE NAME OF FIVE MILE JOHNNIE

I GET THERE IN MY OWN TIME

MY NAME IS FIVE MILE JOHNNIE

I GET THERE IN MY OWN TIME

YES, I GET THERE IN MY OWN TIME

GETTING THERE SIX INCHES AT A TIME



RIGHT TURNS, LEFT TURNS, SUDDEN STOPS

I GET MY FIVE MILES BEFORE I POP

I DO MY DRIVING IN THE CONSENSUAL ZONE

NEVER TOO FAST, ALWAYS AT HOME

I GO BY THE NAME OF FIVE MILE JOHNNIE

I GET THERE IN MY OWN TIME



I GO BY THE NAME OF FIVE MILE JOHNNIE

I GET THERE IN MY OWN TIME

MY NAME IS FIVE MILE JOHNNIE

I GET THERE IN MY OWN TIME

YES, I GET THERE IN MY OWN TIME

GETTING THERE SIX INCHES AT A TIME



I START OUT SLOW, DON'T YOU KNOW

AND PICK UP SPEED AS I GO

PRIME ME, PUMP ME, TURN MY KEY

AND WE WILL GO ZERO TO SIX-TY.

I GO BY THE NAME OF FIVE MILE JOHNNIE

I GET THERE IN MY OWN TIME



I GO BY THE NAME OF FIVE MILE JOHNNIE

I GET THERE IN MY OWN TIME

MY NAME IS FIVE MILE JOHNNIE

I GET THERE IN MY OWN TIME

YES, I GET THERE IN MY OWN TIME

GETTING THERE SIX INCHES AT A TIME

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Friday, August 25, 2023

THE GOO ZOO


LIVING AT THE GOOZOO

GOOGLE ANIMALS IN A GOOGLE ZOO

ALWAYS BEING TOLD WHAT TO DO

IT BEEPS, IT RINGS, WHISTLES I ANSWER

LOOKING AT THIS SCREEN WILL GIVE ME BRAIN CANCER


I DON'T CARE!


I NEED THE BYTS AND THE BITS AND THE BITS AND THE BYTS

THE GIGA MEGA TETRA BLUE SCREEN LIGHTS

WHERE DO IT GO? WHAT IS THE 'CLOUD'? MUST BE PART OF THE SHOW

THEY NEED TO KNOW WHEN I TRIM MY TOES


I DON'T CARE!


IT'S MY SMART PHONE THAT LEAVES A PERPETUAL BLANK STARE

IT TELLS ME WHERE TO GO AND HOW TO GET THERE

IT TELLS ME WHERE THE FISH ARE

MY MOTHER COULD NOT IMAGINE I'D TALK TO A CAR


I DON'T CARE


FEED ME, HOUSE ME, CLOTHE ME IF IT FITS

HAVE YOUR BYTES TICKLE MY BITS

IT'S JUST LIKE THE REAL THING 

GET FAT, DIE YOUNG, ANSWER THAT RING


I DON'T CARE!


I'M HAPPY IN MY ZOO CELL WITH MY CELL PHONE

UNDERNEATH THE CELL TOWER

BOMBARDED WITH FREQUENCIES BY THE HOUR

DESTROYING MY CELL TISSURE 

ALONG WITH THE BUGS, ALONG WITH THE FLOWERS


I DON'T CARE!


THE JUNKYARD HAS A PILE OF COKE MACHINES FROM AGES AGO

RUSTING, BROKEN, A FEW ON ANTIQUES ROADSHOW

NOT MANY IN THE POPULATION THESE DAYS

THEY DIDN'T WORK THE BIG UGLY MACHINES HAD TO GO

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Wednesday, August 23, 2023

No Grey Area



1) If you sign a contract stating you will pay money to the other party at a certain time, you pay the money at that time.

2) If you are a woman and are pregnant, you are pregnant.


3) If you don't show up for work, you don't get paid.

4) Being a drug addict does not get you Social Security Disability.


5) A man in a dress and wig is a man in a dress and wig.

6) "Just like" isn't the same as the original.


7) Sex isn't "abusive", "harassing", "perverted". Annoying people are.

8) It's a game. Some got to win some got to lose.


9) Labor creates all wealth.

10) Dancing makes you happy.

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Tuesday, August 22, 2023

Wesley says... 078


1) Percentage-wise, of all the people that state emphatically "Trust the Science", at another time would tell you Jesus walked the Earth and performed miracles? or explain 911, the day physics forgot, for me, please?

2) Monetary inflation is the baby powder in your heroin.


3) Sometimes conversing with people I silently think, "Is there any retention in your pond?"

4) Country music is a slice of the white bread of life.


5) "Never defend, always attack" - L. Ron Hubbard, an insane man.

6) Is there much difference between a Channellor, someone possessed by a daemon from past ages speaking to you  AND turning on your radio and listening to a disembodied voice lying to you?


7) Soon the Federal Reserve will be acting like those dollar bills are theirs.

8) 800+ people still vaporized in Hawaii.


9) Women's sports. What a waste of time. Make up your own sports. Should have claimed volleyball when it was available. No matter the activity, men always do it better.

10) An example of ineffectual, needless, oppressive gubment is the process of relaxing marijuana prohibition.

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NorthWoods Report


It's not exactly people are rude, it seems they are completely insincere. They tell you what you want to hear with no intention of backing up their words. Every person for three years that told me they would be at my show (for sure) or stop by the coffeehouse did not show up. I don't mind the un-attachment part of life. Don't pander me. Just use, "I'll try my best to get there." That's the highest sentiment I care to receive. I accept any excuse.

One thing women do, instead of a straight compliment which they incapable of giving, is find the most insigificant thing and make it important, fetishizing. I say nothing. In their Queen Bee mind, I should be thankful for even that instant of attention from her. It's always a compliment (you are so cute) and a put down (that's the only thing I can remember from watching you for an hour). No sincere compliment, never impressed, always shade.

People throw compliments around here like manhole covers.


Heaven is within the human body. Healthwise, I see the walking dead everyday and how divorced people are from a functioning body. Elderly exist for sure, my focus is 65 years old and they are a mess. Artificially breathing or 50' maximum of mobility, that is, if they aren't morbidly obese sitting on a battery scooter. Miserable is no way to live. All under doctor's care.

In the grocery store parking lot, I saw a woman so huge, she opened the car door and her fat hit the pavement before her foot did.

In nature, the female is the smaller of the genders. Not in Wisconsin.

I'm beginning to recognize the pasty grey pallor dead man look in so many people. Vacant eyes. There is always a few that just stare straight ahead and look, just look. In my last public appearence the audience resembled an old folks home. Response was tepid, yet, my show wasn't all that great either. Many with the blank stare, weird skin color. We were all together that night but not all of us were in the same fishbowl.

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HOORAY FOR APATHY


HOORAY FOR APATHY (It's a sing-a-long)


HOORAY FOR APATHY

C'MON SING - A - LONG WITH ME

WE CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN

IF WE DON'T MAKE IT HAPPEN

BEING HUMAN IS TO BE


NO SENSE RIDING THE INSANE TRAIN

KEEPS CHUGGING TOWARDS PAIN

WHY PARTICIPATE

WHEN YOU KNOW IT'S TOO LATE

... AND JOIN ME IN MY SONG...


HOORAY FOR APATHY

C'MON SING - A - LONG WITH ME

WE CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN

IF WE DON'T MAKE IT HAPPEN

BEING HUMAN IS TO BE


I'M DOING FINE CAN'T YOU SEE

DON'T NEED YOUR OPINION TO BE FREE

SMELL THE TREES PET THE FLOWERS

NO ONE TELLS THE TRUTH TO ME

... AND JOIN ME IN MY SONG...


HOORAY FOR APATHY

C'MON SING - A - LONG WITH ME

WE CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN

IF WE DON'T MAKE IT HAPPEN

BEING HUMAN IS TO BE


POT OF COFFEE I PONDER

PLENTY OF FOREST TO WANDER

STRIPPED DOWN FUTURE STRIPPED DOWN PAST

DO AS I WISH I DON'T MOVE FAST

... AND JOIN ME IN MY SONG...


HOORAY FOR APATHY

C'MON SING - A - LONG WITH ME

WE CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN

IF WE DON'T MAKE IT HAPPEN

BEING HUMAN IS TO BE

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Urban Animals #2


1) Drugging, fucking and shooting each other. That's all I see. www.cwbchicago.com

2) Arrogant as all get out. Full of themselves. Nothing to back it up. Don't be MauMau-ed.

3) Specialized talents, but basically one trick ponies.


4) Large bodies. Sometimes, very large bodies. Fall, can't get up.

5) Big mouth women. The world needs to know how stupid they are. Constantly.

6) Violent. Stop making excuses for them.


7) Sons and daughters of former slaves. Just about all of us are, so what? My ancestors died in battle trying to free them. It's easy to tell who the slaveholders are/were. It ain't this American citizen of Irish/German descent. Don't call me "white".

8) Unable to live without the white guy in the white house on the hill feeding and housing them. It's easier that way. There never was a serious slave rebellion in the South. There never was a serious desire to be free, except expressed from the do-gooders in the North and their showmen. Nat Turner was a visionary’s death march. Currently, Texas Gov. Abbott is doing to the Sanctuary Cities what the South did. You want them you can have them. Antebellum traditions have won out. The South has as many black slaves as they need in residence. The North took the disgruntled slugs. Hilarity ensued.

9) Can play basketball.


10) Not builders. They are destroyers. Bad neighbors.

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Can we put Emmitt Till to rest, please?

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Friday, August 18, 2023

Go Ahead. Make Me Laugh.


Break the addiction to female energy.

Women are not good friends. They will throw you under the bus in a heartbeat. Their survival skills are raw, sneaky and mean. Their power is the evidence you gave them and then you allow their judgement to affect your actions. Oh! the shame!!! Don't tell them a fucking thing. Ignore them, leave them with their cell phones 24 hours a day. This concept may be happening now. The cell phone is always there when her man is tired of her or she is bored with him, which is most of time. He can't keep up with the constant need for comfort and entertainment she demands. The cell phone gives that to her. Women can't hold a conversation any longer than to get a delicate piece of information from you. The subject matter they want to talk about, after the family roster, is blank. I have met few interesting women in my time, intellectually that is. Ten times more artsy fartsy cliche popular culture mirror look-at-me types. Nice hair, nothing underneath. The younger they are the more 'poser' they are, thinking they are clever. Seen it. The act is simply tiresome from older women. I snap back at the mean old bitches. They don't have a drop of estrogen in them. Never going to say a nice thing about me. Fuck'em.

There is no doubt in my mind 50 years of abortion promotion has resulted in two generations of guilt-ridden Super Moms. Mama Bears that think all the cubs are hers, pouring their hearts out with endless putrid bullshit emotion over the slightest evidence of sickness or pain. I see it everywhere. Every child is in a bubblewrap suit sterile world with screaming bossy Mom nearby. Beach Moms ruin the pleasant atmospere of blue sky, lapping waves and fine sand. Let the kid play. I have never seen a mother build a sand castle with their child. Where do nuerotic people come from? Nuerotic mothers.

I'm for cancelling official Mothers' Day. There isn't too much to celebrate. If you want to, and it's deserved, go right ahead.

Men talk like women. Men have been trained to think like women. Facebook was designed for women. Men on Facebook are women. All Google animals in the Google zoo. Some men want to be women. Men have killed over a woman. Men crawl through a desert of broken glass to get to their woman. Men take orders from these genetically modified invasive hormonal driven human species.

Why? Cost/benefit tells me it's a loser.

I'm going fishing.

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Thursday, August 17, 2023

Microcosm of Life II




TUESDAY, AUGUST 17, 2010
De-humanization Work Has Its Costs:

Records obtained by The Associated Press show that at least 15 agents have taken their own lives since February 2008 — the largest spike in suicides the agency has seen in at least 20 years.

..."It's a microcosm of life," said Christine Gaugler, head of human resources for Customs and Border Protection, the agency that oversees the Border Patrol. "There's no uptick. It has nothing to do with our hiring. We are just responding to the suicides that have occurred."

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Wednesday, August 16, 2023

Baseball Compilation



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Facing Your Problem II



SUNDAY, AUGUST 16, 2009

Parry Nails It, Again:

The overriding question has become whether the United States – as a representative democracy – is on the verge of losing its sanity.

More, please, More:

"If every soldier in the Army who disobeyed an order could claim it was because they weren't notified of conscientious objector status, we probably wouldn't have a military any more," he added.

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Tuesday, August 15, 2023

SHE LEFT THE DOG



SHE'S GONE BUT SHE LEFT HER DOG


IT SURE WAS A WHIRLWIND ROMANCE

WE MET ON A JUKEBOX DANCE

ONCE WE STARTED WE COULDN'T STOP

AS LONG AS IT WAS ZZ TOP



WELL DANCING LED TO FUCKING

THANK YOU MA'AM I'LL BE TRUCKING

BUT SHE FOLLOWED ME HOME AND SLEPT ON MY DOORSTEP

WHIMPERED HOWLED AND NEVER LEFT


'NOT MY DOG' I'D SAY HIS IS YOURS FROM HOLE TO HOLE

DIGS IN THE GARDEN LOOKING FOR MOLES

TELLING ME WHERE HE WANTS TO BE PLANTED

'NOT MY DOG' 'NOT MY DOG' I RANTED



I DIDN'T WANT THE GIRLFRIEND I DIDN'T WANT THE DOG

I CAN JUKEBOX DANCE TIL DAWN AWAKE WITH A YAWN

THE NOON TIME SUN IS SO ANNOYING

I'LL GET THE MAIL GO BACK TO BED AND SLEEP TIL MORNING



21 DOG YEARS WENT BY FAST

NO LOVE AFFAIR IS BOUND TO LAST

THERE IS ONE DOGGY THAT I MISS

AND SOMETIMES, TOO, A SIMPLE KISS

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Monday, August 14, 2023

Any Questions?


Any questions?

I thought things burnt black.

Why do buildings burn and not trees.

Trees still have green leaves attached.

Houses are burnt to the foundations.

Aluminum car wheels melt.

No remains remain, possibly teeth.

Fire department stand down.

Vague official warnings days before.

Isolated location in a military dominated culture

A Tribal Governor

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"Morning Dew"

Walk me out in the morning dew my honey,
Walk me out in the morning dew today.
I can't walk you out in the morning dew my honey,
I can't walk you out in the morning dew today.

I thought I heard a baby cry this morning,
I thought I heard a baby cry this today.
You didn't hear no baby cry this morning,
You didn't hear no baby cry today.

Where have all the people gone my honey,
Where have all the people gone today.
There's no need for you to be worrying about all those people,
You never see those people anyway.

I thought I heard a young man moan this morning,
I thought I heard a young man moan today.
I thought I heard a young man moan this morning,
I can't walk you out in the morning dew today.

Walk me out in the morning dew my honey,
Walk me out in the morning dew today.
I'll walk you out in the morning dew my honey,
I guess it doesn't really matter anyway,
I guess it doesn't matter anyway,
I guess it doesn't matter anyway,
Guess it doesn't matter anyway.

-Bonnie Dobson

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Friday, August 11, 2023

RevNoTV lyrics


The Revolution Will Not Be Televised
Song by Gil Scott-Heron

You will not be able to stay home, brother
You will not be able to plug in, turn on and cop out
You will not be able to lose yourself on skag and
Skip out for beer during commercials
Because the revolution will not be televised
The revolution will not be televised
The revolution will not be brought to you by Xerox
In four parts without commercial interruptions
The revolution will not show you pictures of Nixon
Blowing a bugle and leading a charge by John Mitchell
General Abrams and Spiro Agnew
To eat hog maws confiscated from a Harlem sanctuary
The revolution will not be televised
The revolution will not be brought to you by the
Schaefer Award Theatre and will not star
Natalie Woods and Steve McQueen or Bullwinkle and Julia
The revolution will not give your mouth sex appeal
The revolution will not get rid of the nubs
The revolution will not make you look five pounds thinner
Because the revolution will not be televised, brother
There will be no pictures of you and Willie May
Pushing that shopping cart down the block on the dead run
Or trying to slide that color TV into a stolen ambulance
NBC will not be able predict the winner at 8:32
Or report from 29 districts
The revolution will not be televised
There will be no pictures of pigs shooting down
Brothers on the instant replay
There will be no pictures of pigs shooting down
Brothers on the instant replay
There will be no pictures of Whitney Young
Being run out of Harlem on a rail with a brand new process
There will be no slow motion or still lifes of Roy Wilkens
Strolling through Watts in a red, black and green
Liberation jumpsuit that he had been saving
For just the proper occasion
Green Acres, Beverly Hillbillies, and Hooterville Junction
Will no longer be so damned relevant
And women will not care if Dick finally got down with Jane
On "Search for Tomorrow" because black people
Will be in the street looking for a brighter day
The revolution will not be televised
There will be no highlights on the eleven o'clock news
And no pictures of hairy armed women liberationists
And Jackie Onassis blowing her nose
The theme song will not be written by Jim Webb
Or Francis Scott Key, nor sung by Glen Campbell
Tom Jones, Johnny Cash, Englebert Humperdink or the Rare Earth
The revolution will not be televised
The revolution will not be right back
After a message about a white tornado, white lightning or white people
You will not have to worry about a dove in your bedroom
The tiger in your tank or the giant in your toilet bowl
The revolution will not go better with Coke
The revolution will not fight germs that may cause bad breath
The revolution will put you in the driver's seat
The revolution will not be televised, will not be televised
Will not be televised, will not be televised
The revolution will be no re-run, brothers
The revolution will be live

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Another EWS Recruit II


*The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift. We will not solve the problems of the world from the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. More than anything else, this new century demands new thinking: We must change our materially based analyses of the world around us to include broader, more multidimensional perspectives."
~Albert Einstein*

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WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 11, 2010

Fuck Off Airlines:

After he was bonked in the head by a bag, Steven Slater stunned passengers by spewing profanity and ranting about quitting as the flight from Pittsburgh pulled up to the gate about noon.

"To the f-----g a--hole who told me to f--k off, it's been a good 28 years," Slater, 38, purred, cops said. "I've had it. That's it," he added, a passenger said.

The mad-as-hell steward grabbed a couple of brewskis and popped one open before activating the emergency exit, witnesses told airport employees.

After tossing his two carry-on bags on the slide, he followed them to the tarmac.

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