Transcript of international phone call intercepted by the NSA (Northwoods Security Agency):
TRUMP: Hi, Vlad
PUTIN: Hi, Don
T: How 'bout that Zelensky? What a mensch!
P: ... and he spells his name funny!
T: He's doing a terrific, terrific job killing his population.
P: They are like sitting ducks! My army's getting good target practice! ... and we are steadily acquiring the weapons and ammunition you and Lunchbucket sent him! I couldn't ask for anything more!
You did a helluva job killing the middle class last term... and you had them volunteer to die! I gotta hand it to you, Don. Didn't waste a bullet and leaving the survivors brain dead was pure genius. When does mopping up the lower classes start?
T: I'm afraid it may be a bit messier this time. They are always fucked up and so fucking lazy. Our labs can't produce enough fentanyl. They just want to lay around, smoke weed and stick things in their ass.
P: We just use vodka. And then we use the corpses as fuel at the power plant. Burns like Sterno.
T: Good Idea. I'm assembling my kill team. They think it's the Deportation Police! It will be up and running smoothly by the end of the year. People are not hard to fool, Vlad.
P: Himmler got bad press. Efficiency plus. That group would have killed themselves after they were done.
T: As they should. I'm dealing with a larger population and they have guns. I don't think they know how to use them, though. If we tell them, half of the people will give their guns to us. If it gets too hard we'll just roast them. Call it a 'wildfire'. They always buy that bullshit. Tell the rest we are going to Mars. An evergreen, never gets old.
P: Starvation has been our go-to for centuries. Much cleaner, explained away by the weather. Can't control the weather, huh, Don?
T: Crackin me up, pal. Elon and I go high tech over here, don't have time for that. Either way, we'll get the job done.
P: No doubt you will.
T: ... but how 'bout that gay Jewish Supreme Leader actor?
P: Which one?
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