Monday Terrors

I call them Monday Terrors. High anxiety seems to begin on my Sunday sleep and the next morning is filled with the most self-doubt of the week. I do question myself and worry about the future, not just for me and my health, but the terrible state the world is in. I do not live in a vacuum. Outside events do affect me. I do internalize the injustice I face every day whether locally or globally, and, interpersonally is the most hurtful. I couldn't go to work and face the abuse the workers had for each other. In time, even hearing the voices stealed my defensive emotions, knowing no good words were coming. So I left. It was my emotions that took over my reason and I've been familiarizing myself with them since then through meditation. Destructive relationships create destructive emotions. Both should be avoided at all costs.

I do have a job today. I got a call and request to do some work. I will go to the site and talk nicely with the customer in a genuine manner. I will weigh the needs of the job and get the materials necessary to complete it. I may even fit a yoga class in the middle of my work day. I will do the job at my pace and at my leisure. And I will collect my money with appreciation from the person receiving my labor efforts and with graciousness on my part. This is how I intend to work in the future.

I've taken up taking melatonin for sleep. I can't say it hurts. Sometimes I still need it, sleep is still difficult at times, as it is for a majority of people.