Threat Stress*

LONLINESS + BOREDOM + RUMINATION = DEATH

I ran across a new term - "threat stress", that is certainly what I have had for many years. It's exactly describes my reaction to gossip, State mandates and women. Esp., women and I have to work with that anger making that energy into growth and life. I have always confronted people or organizations that threaten me. The bully has to be addressed. Isn't a mask a micro-aggression? It is to me. The imaginary ones I make up are harder to spook. Acceptance just means lonliness to me, I might as well get used to the fact I can't have a reasonable, logical, loving moment with a female. I'll keep my eyes and ears open and intend to make it happen. It's greater than a 99-1 shot. Blabbermouths need not apply.

To dwell on why I'm in WI: there are no threats here. None or nothing I shouldn't handle. I make them up. Which is crazy inside my head, instinctually survival part got me here, the over eager assistant inside my head I can't shake still makes stuff up. I'm not shedding the demons fast enough for comfort. I carry around with me a really awful person I seem to listen to too much.

We had a tough guy in our neighborhood, let's call him Joey P. I knew another side of him. He once told me how tired he was having to fight someone everyday on the way home from school. He said, "Why don't they leave me alone?" There was always someone who wanted to say they beat up Joey P., and sometimes they did. I knew him as an artist and today I can see him being a damn good tat man, but he was tough then and played the role. Even on days nobody wanted to fight him, he was always ready to fight. Such an example of "Threat Stress".

I have a lot of fight in me. I might not win many, but I get back up. My neighborhood taught us that. My fight is over and that is so hard to accept. I have few allies. I am left alone and it's hard to adjust. My heart aches, sometimes my vision and will dim. I play my guitar in order to cry, how pure joy can be so lonely. Thankfully, I think my own jokes are funny. I have observational and listening skills and tend to intuit the temperment of people around me. I'm not hopeful. No one wants to fight for/against anything. People have self-policed themselves into threatened silence. I will not obey and I'll keep pounding away on those things that are important to me, only closer to the heart. That's what I can do.

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SUGGESTED READING: The Telomere Effect - Blackburn/Epel, 2017