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RUSSIANS
Racial Characteristics: Brutish, dumpy, boorish lard-bags in cardboard double-breasted suits. Lickspittle slaveys to the maniacal schemes of their blood-lusting Red overlords. They make bicycles out of cement and can be sent to Siberia for listening to the wrong radio station. Their Communist party cuts the dicks off of high school boys to get women athletes, and shoots losing chess champions in the kneecaps. They shine their shoes with shit and spread Shinola on their wheat fields.
Good Points: They aren't allowed to leave their country.
Proper Forms of Address: Redski, Russki, Commie scum, stinking Red slime, puke-gutted Bolshevik assholesucker.
An Anecdote Illustrating Something of the Russian Character: Three Russian kids were looking at a couple of pairs of blue jeans on a clothesline and discussing what they wanted most in the world. "I want a big box of turnips," said the first kid, so I could have enough black market rubles to buy a pair of blue jeans like those." "I want a big box of Shock-Worker's Medals," said the second kid, "so I could have enough People's Hero privileges to buy a pair of blue jeans like those." ""I want a big box of parents," said the third kid. "A big box of parents?! Why do you want a big box of parents?!" said the other two. "Because" said the third kid, "I only have two parents and my sister turned them both in to the Secret Police and now she owns both those pairs of blue jeans!"
RIP PJ O'Rourke
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