The Teabagger Socialist-Free Purity Pledge
I, ________________________________, do solemnly swear to uphold the principles of a socialism-free society and heretofore pledge my word
that I shall strictly adhere to the following:
I will complain about the destruction of 1st Amendment Rights in this
country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 1st Amendment Rights.
I will complain about the destruction of my 2nd Amendment Rights in
this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my
2ndAmendment rights by legally but brazenly brandishing unconcealed
firearms in public.
I will foreswear the time-honored principles of fairness, decency, and
respect by screaming unintelligible platitudes regarding tyranny,
Nazi-ism, and socialism at public town halls.
Also.I pledge to eliminate all government intervention in my life.
I will abstain from the use of and participation in any socialist goods and services including but not limited to the following:
* Social Security*
Medicare/Medicaid*
State Children's Health Insurance Programs (SCHIP)*
Police, Fire, and Emergency Services*
US Postal Service*
Roads and Highways*
Air Travel (regulated by the socialist FAA)*
The US Railway System*
Public Subways and Metro Systems*
Public Bus and Lightrail Systems*
Rest Areas on Highways* Sidewalks*
All Government-Funded Local/State Projects (e.g., see Iowa2009federal senateappropriations--http://grassley.senate.gov/issues/upload/Master-Approps-73109.pdf)*
Public Water and Sewer Services (goodbye socialist toilet, shower,dishwasher, kitchen sink, outdoor hose!)*
Public and State Universities and Colleges*
Public Primary and Secondary Schools*
Sesame Street*
Publicly Funded Anti-Drug Use Education for Children*
Public Museums*
Libraries*
Public Parks and Beaches*
State and National Parks*
Public Zoos*
Unemployment Insurance*
Municipal Garbage and Recycling Services*
Treatment at Any Hospital or Clinic That Ever Received Funding From
Local, State or Federal Government (pretty much all of them)*
Medical Services and Medications That Were Created or Derived FromAny Government Grant or* Research Funding (again, pretty much all of them)*
Socialist Byproducts of Government Investment Such as Duct Tape and Velcro (Nazi-NASA Inventions)*
Use of the Internets, email, and networked computers, as the DoD'sARPANET was the basis for subsequent computer networking*
Foodstuffs, Meats, Produce and Crops That Were Grown With, Fed With,Raised With or That Contain Inputs From Crops Grown With GovernmentSubsidies*
Clothing Made from Crops (e.g. cotton) That Were Grown With or ThatContain Inputs From Government Subsidies*
If a veteran of the government-run socialist US military, I will forego my VA benefits and insist on paying for my own medical care
I will not tour socialist government buildings like the Capitol in Washington, D.C.
I pledge to never take myself, my family, or my children on a tour of
the following types of socialist locations, including but not limited to:*
Smithsonian Museums
such as the Air and Space Museum or Museum ofAmerican History*
The socialist Washington, Lincoln, and Jefferson Monuments*
The government-operated Statue of Liberty*
The Grand Canyon*
The socialist World War II and Vietnam Veterans Memorials*
The government-run socialist-propaganda location known as ArlingtonNational Cemetery*
All other public-funded socialist sites, whether it be in my state
or in Washington, DC
I will urge my Member of Congress and Senators to forego their
government salary and government-provided healthcare.
I will oppose and condemn the government-funded and therefore
socialist military of the United States of America.
I will boycott the products of socialist defense contractors such as
GE, Lockheed-Martin, Boeing, Northrop Grumman, General Dynamics,Raytheon,
Humana, FedEx, General Motors, Honeywell, and hundreds of
others that are paid by our socialist government to produce goods for
our socialist army.
I will protest socialist security departments such as the Pentagon,
FBI, CIA, Department of Homeland Security, TSA, Department of Justice
and their socialist employees.
Upon reaching eligible retirement age, I will tear up my socialist
Social Security checks.
Upon reaching age 65, I will forego Medicare and pay for my own
private health insurance until I die.
SWORN ON A BIBLE AND SIGNED THIS DAY OF ____________ IN THE YEAR ______________.
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Signed Printed Name/Town and State
