To Loath Or Not To Loath*

I've been pondering the idea of self-loathing and the pain it brings. Meditation has brought back the idea to me that I can live with myself in a moment by moment basis. It slows down the mind to manageable levels. When in doubt bad decisions are made because the thought process is scrambling with the resultant action incorrect. Many instances of bad decisions makes one hate oneself. This seems to be unnecessary, but the stress induced outside world demands a pound of flesh each and everyday. I've been watching people's habits and sensing their disposition upon meeting them. How they carry themselves or the carefulness of their speech is an indicator of their internal self value. I wish not to believe that a person would come to self-loathing on their own. I prefer to think the world has done an injustice to an innocent being. I also believe training in life skills does not stop in adolescence. I'm an example of learning at a late age, but never too late. Regardless of past decisions, one has to develop a confidence in speech and manner fueled by self compassion that mistakes may have been made but will not consciously be done again. Making the same mistakes over and over is childish, emotionally clouded, and destructive to the relationships around you. No mistake cannot be corrected, outside extreme cases. Words cannot be put back into your mouth, so be mindful before letting them go. Silence should be comfortable, not angry, and if it is it should be diffused with kindness. Easier said than done, that is why education on emotional stability and human psychology is a lifetime effort. Very few have it together their whole lives. One half of adults have a severe emotional crisis sometime in their lifetimes. We work along and never tune up our psyche, thinking we have the plan or secure in our surroundings not realizing the temporary nature of materialism or the fickleness of others. We don't take well to perceived betrayal or use hatred and anger as energy sources. One half fall to the negative side, functioning but denying their better nature, living in guilt based, fear based, anxiety based view of their condition. They don't want to be there and have lost the skills to get out. It's easy to find companionship in this state, misery loves company after all, with the result of a swirling, reinforcing loathing for all people starting with those closest. The downward spiral is long in the making, but the end comes quick. There are institutions available for these searching souls. Organized religion exists for them, but my viewpoint is that the soul is not soothed, it is only controlled by fear. The idea of a damnable hell existing is the antithesis of compassion. The great comfort of AA is guilt based. And the AMA will drug you up, put you in a corner and declare you cured. This society needs better mental health programs based on respect and dignity of the individual. Let's get off the corporatist, Reaganite, Japanese style of workplace belligerence and spend a more life affirming time each day at the job site. A tone of loving harmony must prevail and the arrogant meanness must be dissipated. I want to believe that those we spend most of our time with are responsible for our state of mind. One gets what one gives.