‘Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of the pox.’ The newsman retorted: ‘That depends, sir, on whether I embrace your politics or your mistress.’
‘If you were my husband, I would give you poison,’ she sneered.. ‘If you were my wife, I would take it,’ he answered back.
‘I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.’
"He has never been known to use a word that might send the reader to a dictionary.’... ‘Does he really think that big emotions come from big words?’
‘Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I’ll waste no time reading it.’
‘I didn’t attend the funeral but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.’
‘I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play. Bring a friend, if you have one.’... ‘Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second, if there is one.’
‘I feel so miserable without you. It is almost like having you here.’
‘I have just heard about his illness. Let us hope it is nothing trivial’.
‘Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.’
‘They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.’
‘He has van Gogh’s ear for music.’
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If you want to know who said what:
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