I've been studying and reading books, articles and scientific studies for the past year or more on the effects of stress on the mind and body. Basically trying to develop a force shield to surround my sensitive nature. If I walk through this world without a developed defense against rudeness, meanness, and cruel, mocking nature of popular culture, I will collapse in a puddle of tears, unable to hold anything but an angry conversation.
The area where I will be moving my interests and will be expanding is to how to talk to myself, how the consciousness interacts with society. Immediately upon clearing my thoughts of Fword adjectives, I became more focused and relaxed. Attaching pleasant memories to recurring nightmare scenarios diminishes the negative tape loops fueling cascades of mental anguish. It takes time and awareness to put one's mind into a bit and reins for control and I have a long time to go, but it seems running wild with only senses and primitive reaction is a pathway to pain and unease. I have to think and flavor it with love, concern, and attachment and my time on this rock will be worthwhile.
Words hurt. As I stroll through summer festival crowds I keep my ears open and listen to those in attendance. So many strong, unpleasant and pointed phrases sent out to mock, diminish and bully the target, especially directed at children by parental figures. It's not a wonder why families split up or the children want to get out of the house ASAP. Parents are under considerable stress and passing it on to the nearest person seems to be a survival mechanism, only the children are closest and don't deserve the treatment they get. Be kind to them, don't teach them how not to think, how not to act, and how to be a bully.
There is always time for development, no matter what age one has become or what situation one might find themselves in. I find the more I talk about my sensitivities and vulnerabilities, it makes me stronger because I find that we are all under pressure and, especially in the male world, a faux toughness persona must be maintained. Underneath this front is a hurt little boy who sees life as short, brutish and mean. Changing attitude for the better is a process and takes time. Swimming against the currents of competition, capitalism and popular culture reinforcing cutting, diminishing beliefs with speech of the insecure, one can lose faith in oneself and slip back into the daily grind with the miserable, thinking that is all there is - a shorted paycheck.
There is a better world to be found and it exists in your mind. Reintroduce yourself to your brain and make it your friend, not your enemy.
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